This is my fixed version of http://slatestarscratchpad.tumblr.com/post/137982243586/the-rime-of-the-ancient-mariner-2-announced , which is hilarious and wonderful but has some minor issues I couldn’t make myself ignore ; I have an allergy to bad rhyme and scansion, especially in poems that I have memorized (and, indeed, have in my flashcard set, so I see the thing every day).
The sky turned black, the sea turned black The moon was lost in mist The goddamn albatross was back And he was fucking pissed. I asked "How are you hale and well? And from the sky descended?" Said it: "I am a shade from Hell. I've come to see you ended." And then it raised a ghostly wing The sky was lost in shadow And from the sea, all glistening Arose a damned sharknado. The Wedding-Guest, he rolled his eyes So strange a tale to hear But still spoke on that ancient man The wild-eyed Mariner: "I ran like heck across the deck But the sharks flew much too fast The maelstrom shot one at my neck And thus I breathed my last." "Hold on now," said the Wedding-Guest Amidst the festive cheer “If perished ye upon that sea How came you to be here? How came you to be here with me? O, answer that, I ask!” The Mariner removed his face As if it were a mask Inside there was an Albatross It gave an awful shriek It slammed into the Wedding-Guest And slew him with its beak. Farewell, farewell, but this I tell I tell it to thee plain Do not fuck with an albatross Those fuckers are insane.